Dear I-don't-want-to-like-you-anymore,

Sometimes I wonder why I obsess over you.Is it really worth it? Are you really that worth it?

I'm not someone who brags about myself, but I know one thing for sure. I've been a good friend. A damn good one. There were times I just wanted to give up on you. But I never bloody did. I was there for you more than you were ever there for me, without holding onto to any expectations or hoping that someday you'd look out for me in the same way as I did. It was enough for me to know that you were a part of my life and would forever continue to be. Yet I had to watch you slip away, like all that we ever built was but an illusion.

But may be this is what I deserve for caring more than I should have. May be this is just what I deserve for caring about the sort of people who cant love or care about you back. But should I really be crying over you? After all, losing out on someone who hardly cares is not a loss at all. The truth is, you are the one who is losing out on someone. May be you assumed I would always be there because I never let you realise what it is like when someone who means a lot disappears at random intervals from your life. Or the feeling of waking up and wondering if may be today that someone will finally come back.

I know how peep into you soul and wonder why the emptiness, the hollow happiness, keep resurfacing every now and then. May be if you learned to value the people who really look out for you, you wouldn't have to drown out the bereft silences with the voices of people who mean nothing at all. So I have finally decided that the only way to make you value my presence is by letting you taste what my absence feels like.

You know as hard as it is for me to step out right now, I know I'll find my happiness someday. But you will come back home after every fantastic party and in the lonely silence of your home you'll wonder, why the feeling of satisfaction does linger. The empty hole will speak again. It will yearn to be comforted by the company of someone who cares. But dear friend I wont be there. This time I really wont be there.

Things I want to change about my life

Sometimes I feel like I'm watching my life float past me like a mute spectator. There is so much I want to do. So many things I want to achieve. I hate how I'm not motivated enough to go get them.

Sometimes I feel I'm letting people get ahead of me. It's not like I'm competing. It's just that, when other people of your age are achieving much more than you are, sitting aimlessly in front of tour computer screen, you feel bad about yourself. They're not even half as good as you are!

I want to be able to stop caring about people who don't care about me. Person to be specific.

I want to be able to dedicate myself wholely and solely to things I'm passionate about. Firstly they bring immense happiness. Secondly, they bring so much meaning into your life. Thirdly, they make you forget all things you want to. (Triple action formula :P)

I want to know where I am going and the right way to get there.

I want to be stop dissecting conversations and events. If I continue this excercise, I think I'll go senile by 35 itself.

I want to be able to remain in 'switch-on' mode, rather than 'switch-off' mode.

I want to be less affected by negativity around me.

Infact, I want to be a happier and more positive person myself.

Dear D,

I'm really sorry you don't like the Girl in the Mirror. I'm sorry for the times you look at your wrestler arms and realise it's only fat that make them this round. I'm really sorry you have such a hard time breathing in those body hugging, I mean body-squeezing/life taking dresses you wear everytime you go clubbing so you can look half as good as we do.

But the truth my love is that no matter what you do, you'll never look half as good as me. No matter how hard you try, people well never like you as much as they like me. The quality is called Genuineness, you bitch!, Nobody likes Plastic! No matter how many times you hug a person, you'll always be a fake-bitch! So what if a few people fall for your old tricks, they'll figure out eventually! Just like I did!

I'm really sorry guys are not into, except the desperate ones, or the ugly ones, or the ones who say bast-uf-lurk before an exam. Never mind that even they get bored of you after a while.

I'm sorry you have to try so hard to keep the girlfriends also. As soon as they who you really are, they want to run for their lives.

I'm so sorry for all the times you've tried to understand the intent conversations I have with other people and failed miserably. IQ is just one of those things you cant do much about. just like that tiny miserable height of yours.

I'm sorry I have stooped down to this level. But really, haven't you wrecked my life enough already?

Bandra and the New Haircut

I was tired of being the girl with miserable, unshapely, long hair.
I still wanted the long part, but the first two HAD to go!

I've never really been a big fan of fancy salons.

Blame it on the Chindi-ness if you must, but if I can get a really good haircut for half the price, what's the point of over-indulging.

There's something about Bandra you know.
It's very much a part of Bombay and still more different than any other place in this city.
More than the place itself, I think it's the people who create the awe-inspiring Culture that distinguishes them from the rest of the city.
I think the best way to describe the place would be to call it 'The Style Capital of Bombay'.

So when I decided I want my hair to look too-funky-for-it's-roots(yes I just made the phrase up), I obviously couldn't think of a better place to go to.
So I sit in the train and make my way to Fashion Capital with a smile of my face and a million dreams in my eyes (When will I learn to be less dramatic? WHEN?).
Then I take an auto to Mad-O-What(Wont tell you the getting lost in Bandra part AGAIN), and fall in love with the place even before I actually step into.

From the psychedelic interiors to fashionably dressed staff, the gay hairdresser who kept calling me 'babes' and the glass of a brownish-golden liquid which was actually not beer, but steriliser, I fell in love with everything .

I do however have sneaking suspicion it has to do with it's location more than anything else.
Infact, I'm so in love with the location and it's culture that I want to move there.
Since, that's not happening, the least I can do is spend more time there and imbibe some of the Bandra-ness in me.

I'm looking at my closet and I get this sad feeling that I'm not even half way there.
So many plain looking tees, such few earrings, KURTAS(!!), more flip-flops than ballerinas, such few skirts and barely any dresses.
*Sigh* I feel like I've lost myself.
None of it goes with the new hairstyle.
But I feel inspired now.
A makeover is definitely on it's way. =)

The Truth about Guys(part 1)

1. The sad looking guy you kept saying no to will suddenly transform into the Prince.
   Then you will look at all the nice looking girls surrounding him in his profile picture and feel bad about yourself. Very bad.
2. Guys are into you as long as you are not into them.
3. They're like Cavemen(Courtesy E). They randomly disappear for days and come back pretending like nothing has happened.
4. They're so bloody good at emotional blackmail.
5. If it were upto them, they'd get it on anywhere, even in the middle of the road.
   
6. They think leggings are tight pants with socks attached!
7. They think they're so hot they'd gave John Abraham a run for his money.
   They also believe every girl on this planet is into them. Oh and by the way, this doesn't generally include the girl who is.
8. Once they get their hands on the X-box/ Playstation, they forget about everything else, including that irresistible urge to pee.