Confrontations.....

Like I said earlier, I avoid confrontation because I feel that if people are insensitive enough to do what they did, there is absolutely no point in trying to explain their mistake to them. Unlike you, they do not think of it is unethical. That's the reason they did it in the first place.

When I sent that mail. I wasn't sure what to expect. I've always thought of him as an insensitive person. So while I was sure he'd say sorry, I wasn't sure if he would mean it. At the same time, I wasn't sure he'd be willing to change.

His reply took me by surprise. Not only did he apologise, but he said the most genuine sorry he ever has. He said he wants to change; and not just because I told him to! And he accepted every mistake he's made, without making any excuses! The best part is that he promised things would be better from now on...

And I did see the change in him. Too bad it lasted for only a day. I know he wants to make things 'normal' again. I also know that I do mean a lot to him. As of now atleast. But why is he always so demotivated?! Why is that the effect of my words never last more than a day?!

You know I'm so tired of this drama. It keeps repeating itself day after day. I'm tired of making him realise his mistakes and watch him go back to doing the same things. Right now all I want to do is give up on him and forget he ever existed! But the truth is, I don't know if I'd be able to survive myself......

New Year Resolution

I don't know why I am the way I am. I don't know why I do the things I do.

I didn't make any resolutions in the beginning of this year. However, a few days ago I decided there is a resolution I need to make- I need to stop keeping things to myself all the time!

Whenever someone close to me, angers me or hurts me I refrain from giving them a piece of mind. I feel that if the person isn't smart enough to realise it on his own then there is no point in trying to explain to him anyway. Besides, I hate confronting people and I hate being the whiney girl who is constantly complaining about something or the other.

I either use silent treatment to make the person realise his mistake or I just pretend like nothing has happened. At the same time I show no signs of how their words or actions are killing me on the inside.

Recently I realised how all the unshared information was building up inside me. It was becoming too much for me to bear. I also felt that the people who should have realised and changed by now havn't changed in the least continue to hurt me and anger me in the same way they used to.

When Q persisted I give him a reason for what I did, I kept avoiding it in the beginning. But last night I thought to myself, if there is a person who deserves know more than anybody else, how hurt I am, it is Q.

I couldn't tell him face to face. I couldn't even do it over the phone. So I decided to send him a long mail. I told everything, without missing out on any of the details.

I don't know if he's read it yet. It's the first time I've really opened my heart out without caring about how stupid I sound. It just feels so weird becuse I have revealed a part of myself that I have been hiding for so long. I finally let out all the emotions I've never let out before.

A part of me feels relieved. I made resolution and I followed it. However, I can't help feeling a teensy bit stupid and really, really anxious at the same time. I don't know if I've done the right thing. I know for a fact that I'd regret both ways. Now I'm just hoping everything turns out to be fine....
Till them I'm going to try not to think about it!

Perfection redefined

I should start off by thanking N. Had I not owed her money, I would have just gone home. But I had to wait there and wither time away until she got free. While I was at it, I bumped into P and Q. Thanks to PQ I got late and ended up meeting N almost 20 minutes late.
Just as I was about to leave for home Z called me and said she really wanted to see me. Well since I was already in the same area as her we met up at a coffee shop. Just as I was about to leave J called me. He was coming to this area so that he could take his book back.
Lazy J never ended up coming there. So I had to go to where J was and return the book to him. The original plan was to meet J the day before. Thanks to M, it never happen.
So while I was with J, he messaged T to tell him I was with him. T in turn thought it was a damn good idea to drop by. At first when J told me that, I thought I didn't hear him correctly. When it finally registered , my first reaction was to turn and run towards the door and keep running until I'm in a safe zone far, far away. But J obviously didn't let me do that. So I have to give J the biggest credit in this master plan. Firstly, he told T he was with me and secondly he imprisoned me so I wouldn't run away. Thanks to him I met T. That's right I finally met T again!!!
In the beginning, I thought it would be really awkward . But all it took was one hug and all the weirdness melted away. We went back to being the way we used to be.
You know what was the best part about meeting T. Everything has changed since then, yet everything felt just the same once again =) .

Vogue India!!!!!

Well, you know how I love skipping class so I can lie around at home with a book or go shopping. I'm not going to do that anymore. Infact, I'm not going to do that for as long as I live. I'm going to come to college every single day even if they keep a lecture at 6 a.m. And do you know why? Because today Vogue frickin India came to college! And if I hadn't come to college I never would have known!

They're having a contest wherein you write about yourself, current fashion trends and your favourite designer and send it in. The person who wins gets a cash price of 30,000 AND a SIX WEEK INTERNSHIP with Vogue India!!!!!!! An oppurtunity I could kill a million people into a million pieces for.

Imagine going for work everyday in a sexy pencil skirt and pencil heels. Imagine going to a work place where it is one hundred percent acceptable to show off your pink, yellow, green and other candy coloured peep toes. Infact showing off your whacky closet is pretty much a requirement. Every girl's dream right?!

I'm not quite sure I'll make it. Though my fashion IQ is pretty much unbeatable (hehe) , I'm sure they'll find better writers. But hey I can atleast dream right? And may be even make a list of all the different types of shoes I need to buy if I win it =D

My first film!

I see people involving themselves with PETA, Bati Band, CRY and the likes. I don't really know how people levitate towards a certain cause and why they are more passionate about the ones they pick. All I know is that I'm very sensitive about issues concerning 'women' and if there is a cause for me, it is this!

I remember reading about female infanticide when I was little and I had tears in my eyes. At the same time when I read about people being killed and places being bombed, I did feel terrible. Just not enough to cry. Even the little things I heard like girls not being allowed to work after marriage affected me to a great extent. I know there are larger issues in this world than female infanticide, dowry, domestic violence and opression in general, but this is my cause and will continue to be.

So when we had to make a film for college, I didn't really have to think much about what I wanted it to be. Most of the people formed a story around the poem they selected. I already had my story in mind. All I had to was find the right poem. And guess what? I did. The only thing that remained was moulding the story around the poem. And that didn't take too much time either.

I'm not saying the film is amazing. Infact I would say it's mediocre. Even my acting is pretty average. But I made a film on something I am extremely passionate about and that is enough to make me happy ! =)


P.s. Looks like the innumerable books I've read on tortured middle-eastern women finally paid off ;) !