Prayers

None of us know for sure if God really exists, but we still pray. I guess at some level we just want to believe that there is somebody out there who is listening to us when the rest of the world has turned it's backs on us. It is this belief that keeps us going. Then there is also the saying faith and hope are an essential part of a prayer.
So that is just what I do. I hope that I get what I'm praying for and have faith in the fact that I'm going to get it. I'm not a very religious person. I barely ever go to the temple. I don't chant any mantras. And I certainly don't believe in made up prayers because i feel that every time you pray, your soul is seeking communion with God. And you cannot dictate the soul the soul to say a few lines that you have conned by rote.
So everytime I open up my heart and soul to the divine energy, and let them express their truest desires, I believe, with every fibre in my body that my prayers have been heard and they will soon be answered. I know that what I'm asking for is not unrealistic. It's something that I need at the moment, more than anything in this world. But after repeating the same unanswered prayers over and over again, I'm starting to feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. I'm staring to feel like a complete failure. It is destroying the one thing I'm desparately trying to hold onto...faith.
When the only one you have turns his back on you, something inside you just falls apart. Now I feel like I'm afraid of praying again for the one thing my soul truely desires. I'm afraid if I dont get it this time it might destroy the remaining bits of faith that I have. And I really do not want that to happen. I do not want to stop believing in God. I do not want to stop believing that there is somebody out there who can make everything alright. So I'm going to do the one thing I find most appropriate, I'm just going to stop praying.